Friday, January 7, 2011

"Bound and Gagged"

Good day everyone. I wanted to take a moment to explain and request your understanding in relation to my absence the past month. First I have to say none of this is offered as an excuse but rather as an explanation. Many people who read this have not read, or have elected not to follow my other blog about my dad's prognosis, which is fine. But over on that blog I have described some things that have happened to him and his health. In fact Dad's diagnosis of stage 3 lung cancer and a prognosis of 6-9 months to live hit me like a Mack truck, load of bricks, jack hammer; you pick the quote that works for you. 

If you read it, or go back and read the blog you will find me in turmoil, maybe it was more like a deep, deep hole. I’m not even the person with cancer but it was an extreme sensation that came over me and shortly after that the holidays arrived and monopolized my time (and mind). His illness pulled me down into that hole and although I had a smile on my face my core person, my emotional base, my innards were ‘sludged up’ like the sludge in an automobile engine or 'quagmire of quicksand'. I knew it, my family knew it and my readers knew it.

This emotional cesspool polluted my mind while my initial blog posts flowed from the pit. Before I could gain any stable footing and write again the holidays were upon me. Thoughts of, “Can I enjoy this?”, “Do I betray my dad if I feel happy?”, and “The holidays can’t make this any better. It will still be there when it’s all over.” roamed around my mind (like the unexpended visitor in the car from my other blog). If you follow me on Twitter; user @_andybryant you may have read that I sing in a men’s choir at church and the group took part in several performances during the holidays; there was a lot going on.

No words came from either of my blogs.

"Bound and Gagged" by time and emotion I was not free to write.  I received many emails and tweets from people around the globe encouraging me to write while expressing concern for my dad. Many people sent messages for my dad; I passed them on to him and he says, "Thank you."  I tried to write but I was distracted by many things; I apologize to everyone reading this post and my "regular" followers who support me with their follow. Just knowing that you are there ready to support me with your thoughts and prayers, and ready to read my writing provides me with mental support that really does make a difference.

But with all that said I can tell you my mind has passed through a threshold of emotion into a realm of mental fiction. I once again can see the imaginary characters and worlds who have always been inside my head. I am prepared to release them through my keyboard and into this world.  Be prepared, I have seen many images, some truly disturbing during this mental 'bound and gagged' period of my life - I am prepared to face them and share with you. I have envisioned the movements of their bodies, conversational interchanges between them, and how the two become a person (or character) while understanding how my observations can be described for you. Be prepared, I am imaginging things to write that I’ve never shared before.

"What?", you say.  Watch for my update announcements here and on Twitter, my heart is racing now just thinking about it.

Take care and be safe!